Comes and Goes

When you put too much on a relationship, it goes up quick and down quick too.

When people keep coming and going, you will start thinking if that is the problem of yourself? Being too mean sometimes, being an ass to people and you don’t even realize? Or maybe people already hated you and you are still a deaf sheep.

But I guess the worst part of all is that the relationship ended with an unknown reason, like me and you two.

Damn it.

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有教無類?

Photo subtracted from ‘Gifted’.

I watched the movie ‘Gifted’ the other day, which put me into deep thought.  

Being a role of teaching, I have the responsibility to enhance everyone’s talent, accademically and personally. But sometimes, you just got some students who just don’t wanna be bothered with this, and they would go against you in every way possible. For example, talking in the class, doing everything opposite to what you said, and worst, say stuffs that just pissed you off sky high. 

I understand that everyone is different and you cannot get everyone to do just as same. And to deal with seniors, all you can do is to talk them through, try to explain the consequences, and hopefully they will be  understandable of what you are doing is for their goods…which I can tell you that ‘that’s’ the hardest part. 

In the movie, Evans tries to raise the talented kid like other normal kids; on the other hand, kid’s grandma thinks enhancing the talents to its extreme is the way to go. Both of them are doing everything for the kid but what the kid wants might be the critical here. 

Relate to what I have been struggled lately. So except from the P.1 kids, I sometimes have to check on the seniors P.5 and P.6, which I both like teaching actually cause they are more grown up and can understand everything you say. Also the big problem is they are in puberty, which means they like doing absolutely everything against you. One thing I hate is they like chatting unstoppable and I can’t do nothing to stop but get mad. And more I got mad, more they don’t care. 

Now I am learning to talk them though peacefully with the tone of not blaming, but let them to understand I only do good, but seems that’s a long war. But with my passion in teaching and my ambition, I can do it and I will. 

Adventure Of A Lifetime. 

Photo taken at Coldplay – A Head Full Of Dreams Tour 2017 Taipei

Everyone has own type of music that touches them. For some reason every rythum, every word, every drum, every note, you feel it all. It lifts you up when you are down, and it gets you higher when you are up. It feels your pain, and it shares your happiness. And that’s what I think of Coldplay.

I remember every day I woke up in Sheffield I play ‘Hymm For The Weekend’; every time I studied till late at The Diamond I play ‘A Sky Full Of Star’; every time I almost fall I play ‘Fix You’. The combination of the vocal Chris, guitarist Jonny, bassist Guy and drummer Will, they perform with a story in every song. To me, you need to have your own story inserting into the song to get people’s emotions and for me, they totally nailed it.

Especially the song ‘Fix You’ and ‘Up And Up’, when they sang these I honestly can’t stop my emotions and started streaming tears. Because these songs were by my side when I was at the loneliest and saddiest nights in Sheffield and as you sang along at the tour, you were giving 100% your emotions with the other thirty thousand people!
Talking about people, one thing about here in Taiwan is everyone is very considerate sand polite. It wasn’t the best day for an outdoor concert cause it was raining, however no one was holding an umbrella cause it would block the back. Also, cause I was going alone, I was worrying I got no companies. As I saw two girls hanging around I tried talking to them and they were so nice! We have been talking through and one of them even asked to lend me her raincoat. This is honestly very sweet and heartwarming.

‘And if we’ve only got this life, this adventure, oh, then I want to share it with you.’ Coldplay – Adventure Of A Lifetime

Why?

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Photo taken during my last time visiting Weston Park, Sheffield.

I am asked for so many times, ‘Why do you like Sheffield so much?’.

Apart from the freedom, cheap beer, amazing food and coffee, I have such amazing friends and family here.

I believe in Butterfly Effects, if I didn’t get so terrible in Chinese language, I would probably not be studying in U.K.. We all come to Sheffield because of many reasons, we all come from many places, yet we all group in here, Sheffield. In here, we live closed to each other, one message, 5 minutes, two blocks away, for four years. Grabbing beer, coffee, not a problem. Walkable distance to shopping, gym, buffet, casino, if you wanna do stuff, just go out then you’d be fine. (I swear I am not promoting Sheffield lolz) Most important, we support each other, we bond strong. Whenever I need mental support, I can always get my flatmate to help, friends to chat with. Why I cherish that period of the memory is because I am sure these things won’t be happening ever again. Since we live in different part in HK, sometimes we need to travel for an hour to meet up. Of course, it isn’t easy to meet up too – work, school stuff, things that get us apart, but still we try to meet up at least once every month even though this is not easy.

My point is, if you wanna see each other, there is ‘no time’, ‘too far’, ‘too tired’, cause no matter how tired you are, how busy you are, how far it is, you will still squeeze the time for your friends, even though just a little chat.

No matter how long you and them have been friends, how closed you guys used to be, the bond can still get fragile and just shattered so easily and quickly. Saddest thing is the bond has already destroyed for no fucking reason at all.

大概是又想起你說  說我像個太陽
24小時開朗  為人照亮  –  謝震廷  燈光

End of The Overture.

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‘People said what they studied in university doesn’t mean shit.’

That depends on which type of person you are. Type one: You are so determine on your future path – that’s what everyone wants, knowing what you are fighting for, understanding what you’re doing is worth your invest. If you are this type of person, congratulations, cause you have already half way through to the finale. No matter how hard it is, you know the end of the path is everything you want. The Overture with Flute and Clarinet, maybe some Violins too. 

Type two: the way around, the only thing you know is to get the degree certificate – which sounds like most of us. You don’t care about what the lecturer said in the lecture, you only care the last tutorial, when the lecturer said about ultimate tips for the exams. Why you don’t care? Because you don’t think everything you learn at the moment is going to do shit  in your future path what so ever, so the grade doesn’t matter. The Overture with French Horn and Tuba.

So that overrated quote on the top is just the weakest excuse for all the type two.

Me? I was a type two. But my overture has over and I think my Second Movement is bout to begin and I think mine is playing with some Violins and Cellos, sometime with some Trumpets.

After my first job, I am determined on what I have to do and I am certain that it worths my invest.

My Second Movement has begun.

150215.

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Photo from the movie – Café.Waiting.Love .

Valentines Day ain’t just for people who are involved; even if you are involved, doesn’t mean that’s everything you wish for; even if you are single, doesn’t mean you will be as it is.

This is a thing which all about time and timing. How many times we’ve met someone who you think s/he is right but s/he was involved, you backed off because you thought that’s the best for you and him/her. But what if he is the one? And how many times you tried you best to impress someone who just doesn’t give a shit, you thought there was a chance until you were so disappointed till you can’t feel the heart breaks anymore. No more heartbreaks, isn’t because that isn’t hurt anymore, but there’s nothing worth your caring. And how many times you were involved in a relationship that you though is right until just one night, you hurt him the way you have never hurt anyone else before. You feel guilt and he feels the pain.

You wish you could have shown more passion, and you wish you could have held on that message. But only if you have known.

At the end, doesn’t everything go back to where it starts – friendship. Your heart will break but not for long; your guilt will fade; his heartbreaks might as well. All that left? Some inside jokes you two might still make, some memories that you two will only know.

You are thankful for that, it’s like you keep falling from the bike until one day, you finally know how to ride. You feel thankful for the people who run along the bike to teach to how to balance, how to use the handles, how to use the break when you need to stop, and how to not be scared to get on that bike after the falls.

Thank you.

Your New Person. 


Happy Year of Rooster! I wish y’all good health, good fortune and all wishes come true!

This year, our family has to be the ‘alpha’ on everything – worshipping, cooking, greeting. It’s kinda too much for us cause we are talking cooking for 20 people every meal here lol. But just when we wish we could have 10 hands to work, everyone comes to help, neighbors, aunties. That means a lot, that human kindness, that warmth, that’s something I can’t really see in HK people to be honest. Everyone is helping for a good’o dinner, some help with cutleries, some help with chopping, some help with filling the glasses. It’s really like Christmas, in Chinese version.

A year started, some old stuffs to get rid of, some new starts to come. Last year I learnt that not to care too much. And this year, I wish what I care about is worth it.

Some broken promises, some forgotten bae moments, I still care, I still waiting for you to say: hey how you doin lately? Let’s have a drink, bitch! But I guess you have a better life and better friends than we used to be. It’s okay too cause it might be the best for you, right?

Shit I didn’t mean this new year starts with this depressed. Hope this would cheer you up lol.


Not really, but hey I tried.

BOO. 


In your life, there will always be some assholes that fuck you up.

You can say I am a fresher at the workplace, or you can say that I am immature. But I say, when people don’t give a shit about you, then why should you? Yesterday was a very good example.

Her attitude has never been good or nice to anyone, and with my unintentionally rbf, it just makes everything worse. By the point I realize that she got my rbf wrong it was already too late. But anyway her attitude has always been shitty so I just didn’t wanna bother to fix our bond anyway.

Oh yesterday, so it was her last working day and she just decided to sing ‘fuck it all, fuck it all, and don’t give a shit anymore’ to me and she had words with me, at work, in front of everyone, which is you know, shame on her.

There are always be some assholes, like her, at work, or just everywhere. People who take everything for granted, think they are the center of everything, measure people by how much they can pay for. To them, how can you put their ideas over yours?

I am not trying to over-standardize myself here, but I found out the truth from what happened yesterday that those words from assholes, just pretty much the fart from their ass – sticks and smells. Why should you try to fix it?

But of course, there are some good colleagues who understand you and put themselves at your shoes. What’s better? You two become friends. Life is all about time and timing.

After all, you gotta thank you for those assholes for teaching you a lesson, of letting you know more about how their shitty brains function.

Sayonara, madda fukka! 👋🏻

Back to the future.

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Photo from the music video 回到過去 – 周杰倫

We are all dumb. Don’t say you are smart because you are just too dumb to realise the truth. It’s like our brain realise you are in the worst shape then it’ll be like ‘good! It’s a good time to make decisions!’ Just before you know, things have already gone to unreturned.

Looking back to the choice you have chosen, path you have taken, people you have spent time with, relationships that you have given up, you start to judge yourself like ‘How? Why?’ Asking yourself questions that you don’t even have an answer with because you weren’t you at that point.

Some are fixable, some aren’t, or some depend on others. You try so hard to fix the mess but what if thing has changed? Some cracks can’t merge and scars can’t fully heal.

Even so, at least we can try to open up ourselves and not make the same mistake again.

I am trying to fix, at least I hope it’s not too late.

Heart Made Fullmetal.

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Photo from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.

‘Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy’s First Law of Equivalent Exchange.’ -Fullmetal Alchemist

In the story, Edward and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back to life, but they sacrificed bodies. They always think the law of Alchemy is right to fight for, to chase for, however as they go down the the way of finding the Philosopher’s stone, they uncover more of the dark side of the ‘true’ law and the unfairness of it.

Isn’t it like real life? You thought you have been working on something that you think it is all worth it, works, relationship, until it all goes down to shit, for once you think ‘oh, we can be friends forever’, we even thought about we be helping each other’s wedding, decorating our own house. When has it gone down to ‘yeah think we have said that before, right?’ and it is too fragile to even mention?

As we say ‘people come and go’, it is kind of meaning you are letting it be, you are part of the ‘letting go’ part. You are guilty in the murder of the relationship. But does relationship can be maintain as the law of Alchemy, Equivalent Exchange?

No, it doesn’t. It is never fair. The amount of input can never be the same as output, and we all know about this really, the point is whether we accept that it is the saddest truth. And the most pathetic thing is that we know about the truth and still expect they’d be the same.

‘Although if you can endure that pain and walk away from it, you’ll find that you now have a heart strong enough to overcome any obstacle.’ -Fullmetal Alchemist