Heart Made Fullmetal.

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Photo from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.

‘Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy’s First Law of Equivalent Exchange.’ -Fullmetal Alchemist

In the story, Edward and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back to life, but they sacrificed bodies. They always think the law of Alchemy is right to fight for, to chase for, however as they go down the the way of finding the Philosopher’s stone, they uncover more of the dark side of the ‘true’ law and the unfairness of it.

Isn’t it like real life? You thought you have been working on something that you think it is all worth it, works, relationship, until it all goes down to shit, for once you think ‘oh, we can be friends forever’, we even thought about we be helping each other’s wedding, decorating our own house. When has it gone down to ‘yeah think we have said that before, right?’ and it is too fragile to even mention?

As we say ‘people come and go’, it is kind of meaning you are letting it be, you are part of the ‘letting go’ part. You are guilty in the murder of the relationship. But does relationship can be maintain as the law of Alchemy, Equivalent Exchange?

No, it doesn’t. It is never fair. The amount of input can never be the same as output, and we all know about this really, the point is whether we accept that it is the saddest truth. And the most pathetic thing is that we know about the truth and still expect they’d be the same.

‘Although if you can endure that pain and walk away from it, you’ll find that you now have a heart strong enough to overcome any obstacle.’ -Fullmetal Alchemist

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Gray Unreality. 

Photo from Taylor Swift-Wildest Dream.

I like the ‘Me’ in the dream, do whatever I want, say anything to anyone as I like. That me is brave enough to do thing I am too coward to do in real life.

Last night I had that one dream again, I held you hand again as we kissed, again. And you said something you didn’t say to me before, and me too, saying things that I have been always wanted to tell you.

People said what happened in the dream is what you have been thinking in reality. So is that mean the you in the dream is more honest?

‘Someday when you leave me

I bet these memories follow you around’

Never Forget.

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Photo from the movie Spirited Away.

I first watched this 15 years ago, when I was in 1st grade? I didn’t know what it’s talking about. Roughly the story is about (no spoiler) the girl Chihiro and her parents went to a mysterious place that turns her parents to pig (huh?) and she had to work at a hot spring resort in order to save her parents. The headmaster of the resort controls workers by taking away their names. People start forgetting their names, until Chihiro met a guy Haku who told her no to forget hers no matter what.

Japanese films like using metaphor, especially anime, which makes it very fascinating, and hipster-ish. LOL

It is not really about names, but who you are of what the movie refers to. Once you start going 9-5, you start forgetting who you are, how you used to be creative, excited about stuffs, how you laughed when you just swung on the swing, how you cracked the smile when you had an ice-cream after running around the field.

‘Once you’ve met someone you never really forget them.’ (Spirited Away, 2001)

What defines you? Who defines you? How people define you? When you start letting people to define you? Why you let people define you?

We never want to be defined, at least not however they want to define us. It is just because we chose what we think is more important, we prioritized. Money? Approval from your boss? Working hours? Relationships? Friends? Family? In the society that is so competitive, everyone is full of complaints and disappointments, people judge, a lot. We can either be: I care how the think about me,because this is how people work, how the society works; or we can be: I live the life how I want to be, because this makes me who I am. The first one is easy, cause that’s makes people frown; the second one is hard, that makes it so precious and desirable.

Being yourself is hard, but nobody said you can’t. Find your Haku.

Don’t wake me up.

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Photo taken from my sweet bed, 2015.

When life pushes you wave after wave, you are pushing your limit at the same time.

2016 has been a fast car for me and it’s a little bit too fast for me to catch up with. Like you trying so hard to follow your daddy’s footsteps when you were 5. Just when you can walk fast, you forgot how you learn walking. I have already forgotten how I started this year but I remember every single thing I have done.

9 – Surprising meet up with the old timer, and the person who encourages me in the caffeine addiction, with the shinning bright head, eyes feels like sparks, butterflies in the stomach.

11 – Hot wing birthday party can never be better than this, especially when the cashier from KFC were like ‘Errrrr excuse me, 50 hot wings?’.

12 – First try of a proper Christmas meal in English style, the chocolate sandy is the worst, wine is the best of all though.

2 – Copenhagen was freezing in February and the food there is just eww and ‘what?’. I mean only Bill Gate can afford! But the view from The Louisiana Art Museum is just worth it; the sunset view from Nyhavn is once a life time; heartbeats along the footsteps.

3 – Performing in the cafe for the first time, and the moment of realization that your worst song is actually ‘Happy Birthday’, and so glad I have got the best squad in music.

5 – First time going to a Ball Dinner with the partner in Crime, the family who knows everything you want by breathing in and out; wearing a fanny dress playing Mahjong, and WON (duhhhh); sleeping over with the dress looking drunk and god knows what I have said; sneaked out of the house at 6 without my house key with the crazy dress and overnight makeup.

6 – Had my last university exam, still go on with my ‘Screw it’ attitude and somehow it works for me, and also, SCREW YOU SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY LOUNGE!

7 – I never thought I would be going to Poland until you got there and saw the history for yourself. Everything looks so real but you just don’t want it to be real.

Pisa, Florence, Rome, Venice. Best pizza and pasta I have had. And some Airbnb hosts can be absolutely assholes. That is when the time I HATE Pokemon go so fucking much; walking over 10 miles everyday, from Rome to the Vaticano. Now I can say the phrase: Every road leads to Rome.

8 – At the end, I didn’t cry at the graduation, I was just thinking what the hell have I learnt throughout these three years.

London, Paris, Vienna, Budapest. Last time going to London, first time going to Paris, never going there ever again; I would go for the National Orchestra of Vienna concert next time; the hidden treasure chest and golden castillo in Budapest.

My last coffee in Tamper got me in tears. Everyone there fills up my emptiness and loneness in Sheffield and that’s a mountain top and the reason I start loving Sheffield and coffee. That is the reason I would go back Sheffield for.

9 – Coming back to Hong Kong is like waking up from the best dream you had, or is it the start of the nightmare?

First.

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‘It’s been 84 years…’ Oops wrong line, just 8 years maybe, since the last time I blogged.

When I was blogging 8 years ago, all I wrote is about school, friendships and some mambo jumbo. As a person with a ‘not very exciting’ life and a ‘not very good’ writing skill, maybe it’s just not a really good idea to blog, but if sherlock can, why can’t I? Just this time, hopefully it can be more inspiring.

When I have the worst memory like golden fish, and blogging isn’t a popular thing in my country, I think I should just write everything down. Human minds are very fascinating and diverse, everyone has a very different life and there are too many things happening everyday and they all happen too fast for us to catch up.

That’s the reason I start this blog.